dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
