That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
