just survived the first fart of the relationship.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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