anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
