I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
