I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
