i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
