You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
