last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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