God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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