I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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