yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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