Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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