My first STD was from a foam party
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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