i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
