margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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