im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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