bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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