okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Randomize
