he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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