She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
