I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
