Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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