Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
All I want is dick and wine.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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