Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
