who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
