the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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