They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
