Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize