I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i've created a new STD.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
