I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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