Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i need some magic done to my vagina
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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