first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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