what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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