Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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