Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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