if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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