I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
