That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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