my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
