He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
