let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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