well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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