evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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