had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
