Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
