im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
