wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
