On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
