if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
