I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
