Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
