I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
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I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
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and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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