you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
