matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
