I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
