There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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