I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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