he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
