I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
