I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
