you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Someone shattered a urinal.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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