Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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