She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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