If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
