do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
