Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
