Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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