i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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