you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
